The tension after the dowry ceremony was palpable. As is African tradition, Hunja was accompanied by his uncles, aunties, and extended family to pay the bride’s price. He had been lucky— or so he had thought— when Lillian’s family made few demands for the bride price. He’d heard horror stories of extortion from other grooms. Lillian came from a seemingly affluent and humble family. Their girl’s happiness was their priority.
Things had gone as Lillian’s father had said they would. There was even a twist at the end—the good kind, depending on who you ask. Lillian’s father gave them a car as a way to congratulate them, but that would turn out to be a bigger issue among his family.
Hunja’s family had travelled to Lillian’s home in several vehicles. The younger members of the family were excited by the events of the day, but the mood was different for the older folks. Since people came from different places, many decided to spend the night at their ancestral home. It looked like a continuation of the get-together that had started during the day.
While everyone was settled, they also lit a bonfire outside to keep them warm as they enjoyed each other’s company. It was at this set-up that this conversation ensued.
“Hunja, what did you say you do again for a living?” Asked Hunja’s uncle.
“I am transitioning into tech,” replied Hunja confidently.
“What about the girl you’re marrying?” Asked the uncle.
“She’s in marketing,” said Hunja.
“I saw her parents gifted you a car, right?” He asked.
“Yes, that is right,” Hunja responded.
“Wrong, my boy. That car is your wife’s,” said his uncle. The other present uncles nodded in agreement.
“I don’t know how you people do it these days, but from what I saw, you might be punching above your weight,” another uncle said.
“I don’t understand what you mean, Uncle,” said a confused Hunja.
“They were not too demanding in their dowry price. They gave you a car and asked you to make their daughter happy, so you can see money isn’t a problem there. I hope you can see where I’m heading with this,” said the uncle.
Hunja didn’t respond. He was seething in anger, but it was rude to have such debates with his uncles. He waited it out and left without making a scene. The following day, he expressed his anger as he was having a conversation with his sister and parents. He had felt that his family had judged Lillian and her family without getting to know them. He was also angry that his uncles didn’t believe in his potential.
As expected, he stopped involving his family in the white wedding plans. That conversation led to a great fallout between his uncles and his parents as well. Hunja and Lillian decided to move in together. It didn’t take long for them to get into constant fights. Two months after moving in together, Hunja called his sister.
“Is living with a woman this difficult?” Hunja asked her.
“You are different people living under the same roof and still getting to know each other. It’s not surprising that you’re fighting, not to mention that planning a wedding can be stressful,” said the sister.
“I feel like I want to call this thing off,” said Hunja.
“Why? How bad is it?” Asked the sister.
“I asked her to watch her spending so that we can reduce house expenses and use the money on other important things. She acted as though I was turning her into a slave,” said Hunja.
“What kind of expenses? If you don’t mind me asking?”
“Take out, an exorbitant cleaning lady who was definitely ripping her off, unnecessary subscriptions and luxury shopping,” said Hunja.
“Is she paying for some of those things?” Asked the sister.
“No, her parents stopped sending her rent and upkeep now that we moved in together,” said Hunja.
“Her parents? I thought she’s salaried?” Asked the sister in shock.
“She is, but her parents have been doing those things for her as she stabilized financially,” said Hunja.
“Okay, I see the source of the problem. She’s never had to worry about money, and you’re taking her on a crash course. You need to have sober conversations and patience,” said Hunja’s sister.
“Do you think our uncles were right about me punching above my weight?” Hunja asked.
“Well, you can already see how having different financial backgrounds can affect you, but I also think that it comes down to how both of you handle the situation,” said his sister.
Hunja reflected on his conversation with his sister and decided to have a challenging discussion with Lillian. They agreed to be more patient with each other. It worked for a few weeks until the wedding planning got intense. Lillian and her parents wanted a luxurious wedding and were willing to pay for it, but Hunja disagreed.
To spite him, Lillian went back to asking her parents for money for her accustomed lifestyle before moving in with Hunja. Although Hunja’s income had started increasing, he was unwilling to spend on some of the things Lillian wanted. Eventually, they ended the relationship.
“We told you she’s not the right woman for you,” said one of the uncle’s wives.
“Please, Auntie, I don’t need to hear that right now,” said Hunja.
Although he knew it was the right decision, he was also hurt by how his family had handled the situation.
Check out more stories
We Were Ready To Get Married And Then His Parents Advised Him Against Marrying A Smart Woman
Her Father Didn’t Like Me Because I Wasn’t Rich
He Insisted That I Should Meet His Parents On The First Date
Her Husband’s Fragile Ego Rendered Her Jobless And Made Their Lives Difficult
Working At A Media Company Got Me A Lot Of Dates
