I can’t imagine anything more heartbreaking than getting back with an ex only for them to do the same thing that caused the breakup the first time. This is genuinely one of the saddest things I’ve ever experienced in my life. To make matters worse, I saw a future with my ex which is why I gave him a second chance only for him to betray me again.
I tend to attract toxic men and to be honest, I do enjoy a bit of toxicity. I like to be on my toes. However, there are some behaviours that I can’t tolerate. I can’t tolerate a cheater and I can’t tolerate someone who still has feelings for his ex. That’s where I draw the line. If the guy I’m with even mentions their ex, I know that the relationship is doomed.
Michael was my ideal guy. He was tall, good-looking looking and had a good job. I was instantly attracted to him from the moment we met and I did everything to get his attention.
We were seated near each other at a cafe. He was on his laptop and I was talking to a client. Once the meeting was over, I went to the washroom and then ordered another cup of coffee to drink as I worked on my phone.
He didn’t say anything but we made eye contact a few times and he even smiled at me. I stayed for more than an hour hoping that he would approach me but he didn’t so I paid my bill, picked up my things and left.
When I was in my car, I realized that I had forgotten my phone charger in the cafe so I went back to get it. As I walked out, he talked to me.
“Hi, I’m Mike.”
“Hi, I’m Lilian.”
“Nice to meet you. I couldn’t help but listen to your conversation earlier. You’re an architect?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Wow, that’s impressive. I might need your services. Can I get your number?”
“Sure.” I smiled as I gave it to him.
“Thanks. I’ll keep in touch.”
“Okay. Have a good day.”
“You too.”
He contacted me a few days later and we arranged a casual date. From then on, we met regularly and we grew closer to each other. My attraction to him only grew the more we hung out and I thought the feeling was mutual. After all, he was the one who always asked to see me.
I like to confirm that the person I was with didn’t still have connections with their ex. So, I did the same with Mike and the answer I got wasn’t what I expected.
“Do you still talk to your ex?” I asked.
“It’s complicated. We didn’t technically break up.”
“What do you mean?”
“She moved to another country.”
“So, are you still together with her?”
“Of course, not. Would I be here if I was still with her?”
I smiled at the comment, thinking that Mike was falling madly in love with me. He would mention his ex occasionally but I felt reassured since he guaranteed me that their relationship was over. However, he seemed very invested in her life.
“My ex started a new job.” He said casually.
“How do you know?”
“We talked yesterday.”
“When?”
“In the evening.”
“You mean when you said you were going for a walk? Were you going to talk to her?”
“No, I was going for a walk and she happened to call me at the same time.”
Apart from being in contact with his ex, our relationship was pretty good. He didn’t give me any reason to suspect that he still had feelings for his ex.
However, I decided to go through his phone to make sure that nothing was going on behind my back and my worst nightmare came true.
I found flirty messages between Mike and his ex. They had been talking the whole time we were together and she even knew about me.
“You are my dream girl. I want to get back together with you.” He said.
“What about the girl you’re with?” She asked.
“She’s just a fling.”
My heart nearly stopped beating. I knew that I had to end things with Mike even though I was in love with him. There was no way I could tolerate being called a fling.
That same day, I told Mike what I had seen on his phone. He tried to explain himself but I insisted that we should end things.
“I need a break. This is too much for me.” I said.
“Fine. I’ll give you a break but give me a chance to prove that I love you.”
“I’ll think about it.”
Mike and I didn’t see each other for a month but we communicated often. Eventually, I decided to forgive him and take him back. I believed that he had made a mistake and he wouldn’t do it again.
However, I still found texts between him and his ex after we reconciled. He explained that she was like his best friend and it was hard to cut her off completely but insisted that nothing else was going on between them.
“She’s just my friend.” He said.
Since they had a long history, I looked the other way and tolerated their friendship. Mike was still secretive about his conversations with his ex. He would hide his phone when they were chatting and delete the messages immediately afterwards.
Eventually, he slipped up and I saw their messages. They were still flirting and she even suggested that he visit her in The U.S. for a whole month so she could get pregnant with his baby.
That was the last straw. It was bad enough that I entertained the friendship but he had crossed the line many times. I didn’t need any more signs that the relationship wasn’t meant to be.
I finally broke up with him for good and promised myself that no matter what he told me, I wouldn’t take him back and I have kept that promise to myself to this day.
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