My boyfriend struggled with depression but I always thought that he would get better. When we met, he loved drinking and partying all day. We actually met at a day party at a friend’s place and nothing seemed unusual at first. We talked for a while after that day and ended up falling for each other. I thought that he was someone I could build a future with since he was extremely smart and ambitious. However, as my life moved forward, he remained stagnant.
We were in the final year of university and all of us were busy chasing lecturers to clear our exam marks so we could graduate on time. Will, on the other hand, never came to school for a whole semester. He would be in his house, blasting music and drinking with his friends who I didn’t even know whether they went to school.
“Have you left this house this week?” I asked picking up empty alcohol bottles and party cups.
“What day is it?” He asked in a drowsy voice.
“It’s Friday. I came to see you on Monday and it looks like you haven’t even showered since that day.”
“Don’t shout at me. You’re not my mother. You don’t pay my bills either.”
“Actually, you borrowed money from me last week.”
“Here. Here is the money I borrowed.” He said reaching into his pocket and handing me a thousand shilling notes.
“Are you coming to school next week?”
“I think so.”
I wasn’t hopeful that he would come. He had promised that he would the whole semester and now, the school was almost over yet he hadn’t shown up. All his school friends abandoned him which only made him feel like he was all alone and worsened his depression. Still, I continued to support and encourage him so that he would finish school and become the man I knew he was supposed to be.
I stayed with him for a week and that was when I noticed that he was suicidal. He kept asking what I would do if he took his own life which was strange but I thought it was because he was drunk most of the time. However, he reduced his drinking significantly over the course of the week. I cooked for him, cleaned his house, and for the first time, he went to school.
“Kev, I haven’t seen you in a while.” One of his friends said.
“Yeah, I was handling some business.”
“Okay. Nice to see you.”
Being in school made a significant change and I thought that he was okay. At some point, he stopped drinking completely. By the time the semester ended, Kevin was a completely different man.
I went back home for the long holidays but kept in touch with Kevin. He would cancel our date plans but I still made an effort to see him. I would go to his apartment which was more than 100 kilometres from my parents’ house every weekend. Though he had gone back to drinking, things weren’t so bad and he looked like he was doing fine.
“I got an internship,” I told him. “Hopefully, they’ll give me a permanent position and I can move out to my own apartment.”
“That’s amazing, babe. Maybe you could move close by.”
“Of course, I like this place and I want to be close to you.”
I got a three-year contract after completing my internship. I also managed to clear all my marks and made it on the graduation list. Kevin, on the other hand, didn’t make it on the graduation list. In fact, when he finally showed me his transcripts, I almost fainted. He had so many missing marks that it would take a whole year for him to clear them.
I encouraged him to focus on school and graduate but he seemed to have lost hope.
“I need to make money. School isn’t for me.”
“Have you got a job?”
“Yes, my friend has a gaming shop and he asked me to manage it.”
“That’s great but I think you should also get your degree.”
He didn’t go back to school and even the job that his friend offered him didn’t last. After finding out that Kevin was stealing from him, he fired him.
Since he could barely make ends meet, Kevin asked if he could move into my place as he looked for another job. I was hesitant but agreed since I loved the guy. He didn’t change though I tried to help him out.
“I feel like such a disappointment.” He said in tears.
“I think you’re being too hard on yourself.” I tried to encourage him.
“You deserve better. I can’t even pay for your bills or take you out on dates.”
“Don’t worry about that. I want you to get better first. The rest will happen.”
“I’ll surprise you one of these days.”
I laughed thinking that it was one of his usual promises. He would talk about living life like the rich and famous which I always found so funny.
It turned out that his desperation for money had made him addicted to betting. He would use the little money I gave him to buy necessities to bet. However, he got a bit too ambitious and decided to make a huge bet. He borrowed Ksh 30,000 from one of his relatives after telling them that he wanted to register for an exam.
Then, he used the money to make a bet. However, things didn’t go the way he thought they would and he lost his money. The loss must have pushed him to the edge and he took his own life that same day he lost the money.
When I got home, I found his lifeless body lying on the bedroom floor. I called the neighbours to help me take him to the hospital but when we got there, it was too late. Kevin was gone but it was the cause of death that shocked me the most.
“It looks like he drank poison.” The doctor explained.
There were no explanations for why he took his own life but when I looked back, I realized that his depression and addiction slowly consumed him.
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