Over the past couple of decades there has been an increase in the empowering of women, and as the movement grows so does the man’s confusion as to his role in it all. I have recently seen quite a few articles done by men that describe the modern university age girl as shallow and passing by good guys for older babas (sugar daddies) because they seem to have their lives together, especially when it comes to finances.
I personally have mixed feelings about this because though yes there may be chicks who do pass by the good guys but just as many are looking for a good guy, and men seem to pass by the good chicks as well because they are looking for a party animals who can shake her assets to kingdom come when need be. As almost everything in life, it is a two-way street.
So as a man you want to know the secret to finding a girl? Here is my two cents.
Firstly what are you looking for? If you are looking for a fine girl for a good time, then what do you expect but to get the airhead who is always waiting, always searching for a better version than what she has. She will be whispering sweet nothings into the ears of her current beau while she eyes the guy who just bought drinks for all his friends because he looks like he has cash.
If you are looking for a good relationship then you have to shift what you find attractive, in a girl. Look for personality, humour, LOYALTY, and someone who is secure in who she is because if you think about it, confidence is sexy. It shows that she doesn’t need a guy to make her complete, so she won’t be running from one to the other looking for version 2.0. Look for purpose, a girl who knows where she is going and is working towards her future won’t be looking for an old, rich guy to take care of her because she knows that soon she will be able to take care of herself more than any middle-aged dude would.
Become MATURE! I mean let us be real here, you know the saying that a guy tends to be four years behind a woman when it comes to maturity. I know that is just a stereotype which is not fact but to be honest, judging from the guys I have met my age it tends to be true a lot of the time. Guys in between the age of 18 to early twenties surprise me by their ability to act so immaturely you could confuse their behaviour for that of a fourteen-year-old.
Be Focused. I have a friend studying law in Riara University, his average accumulative G.P.A is about 3.8. He has a bunch of pretty chicks hitting on him nearly constantly, but he doesn’t really care because he is so focused on his future and getting into Harvard for his Masters. It’s crazy but a guy who knows where he is going is definitely attractive.
Have a Personality. Your looks will only get you so far, and what people fall for is who you are. Use your strengths to work for you. If you are funny, be the clown, make her laugh. If you are smart, talk smart, act smart, if you are the quiet, mysterious guy then if that works for you embrace it. Being an interesting guy will definitely add points for you. Basically, do you.
Be interested. This is just as important as the previous one because it is so much easier to find someone who talks and talks about themselves with no room for listening or someone who hardly ever says anything leaving you to do all the talking than someone who understands how to balance. Listen keenly to other people, show interest in their lives. Feel the atmosphere, speak when need be, and listen when need be as well. Relationships, like I mentioned earlier, no matter what kind, are a two-way street.
Class and Swag. There is a fine line between overdoing it to impress and just being you. I believe swag is something you naturally have. It is choosing to embrace every aspect of who you are from your African heritage to your culture, be it Kikuyu, Kamba, Turkana, Maasai, Luo, Luhya, or whatever tribe you are from. It is embracing other cultures and people all the same. It is standing out from your boys when you don’t agree with them because you don’t need to be pressurized into things you do not agree with. Swag is self-confidence.
Class, on the other hand, is worked towards. Class is being a gentleman in an age where chivalry is dying. It is treating people, and especially women with respect. Class is being interested in other people and their opinions. Class is not degrading others, and definitely not classifying women as objects even when they treat themselves as such. A classy man is fine because he is rare. To have both class and swag is almost to be a superhero, for it is like a balance between confidence and humility.
I think these are the tools the modern day man needs to implement into his life if he is looking to succeed holistically in our fast-paced society.
Two more things; firstly like I mentioned in the beginning if all you are looking for is a good time and a good night then forget all the above suggestions they don’t really apply to you. Secondly, embrace these aspects for you, not for a girl. Make these aspects a part of who you are and success will follow.
Shingai is an upcoming writer with a passion for words and expression through writing. She lived in Zimbabwe as a child and has traveled to over ten countries. She craves adventure and hopes to be an inspirational writer. She is currently pursuing a degree in English Literature with a minor in Psychology at Daystar University.